My Shit

So the one friend I am drawing away from, I want to talk more about this:

I think the thing that bugs me the most is how I feel when he is talking to me about a subject where we have differing opinions. Don't get me wrong, I do get defensive on my own and I also have strong opinions. The way he expresses himself is very domineering and overbearing. We do share many common interests but when we disagree there is guaranteed trouble. But we are very close, which I believe makes the confrontation all the more damaging. He has even said, “I’m closer to you than I am my own brother.”

If I may, I think I want to analyze the interaction. The statement about being closer to me than his own brother is not something I see as being false or to take lightly. It did, however, come at the end of an argument where we were somewhat trying to reconcile differences. It was like he was stroking my hurt ego after making a big attack, like realizing he had done some serious damage to the bond between us then moved to take some corrective action to not totally ruin everything. I don’t believe this friend has ever really lost anything of great value to him that he ever knew. His father did die while he was an infant, so he didn’t know him, and I actually rank his step-father as a more important influence in my life than my own father (which, while that wouldn’t take much, is meant to show the value of this individual). Having never lost anything I don’t think he knows where the boundaries are. I don’t think he knows how hard he can push before someone walks out. Material items can be bought and sold but people cannot and no one close has ever chose to leave (i.e. he walks away from friends before the choose to walk away from him, he only selects friends that will listen to him yammer away, and he has never had a serious long-term relationship with a female).

Watching him go into one of his attacks against me can actually be seen. I mean, when he starts in on a subject where we disagree his posture and face change: his body puffs up a bit, his eyes squint, and his mouth gets really small with lips tight and nearly white. I’ve gotten to the point where when I see this I don’t really pay much attention to what he has to say because he is essentially preaching to me and not listening to a word I say.

The unfortunate thing is that this behavior, while rare, has been an ongoing event. I have experienced this since we were in high school. Things were much better when we saw each other rarely due to the long distance between our universities. But now that I am living in his house, paying rent by the way, things are more-or-less back to normal. This ongoing behavior will eventually push me out. I was not going to look for an apartment until this summer but I think for the safety of our friendship, and potentially felony crimes, I need to find a place of my own much sooner.

I do take some of the blame because I am such a dominant person myself. Must of my other friends are dominant also. My girlfriend and I are currently working together to figure out how we can have conversations about taboo subjects or subjects were we both have strong and extreme positions. This is a long process but I fell well worth the struggle since she is a great person to be around (when she isn’t wrong). My other friends and I, however, do not seem to have this clash. We either have good debate skills and can discuss delicate issues or have strong opinions where other’s do not. I can only recall one incidence where a person was less than thrilled with an opinion I was express to the point where the conversation became even slightly hostile.

Enough of this. Only time will tell how this plays out.