Friday, March 18, 2005
Friday morning meeting
I believe we are, within ourselves, in a constant state of renewal. As our different personality characteristics fight their way to the front others fall behind. I don't think it is an ebb and flow where we teeter back and forth from one personality to another. More like one where different groupings of characteristics -- characteristics having always been in us at some magnitude -- come together at a specific point in time, and deal with what ever situations life may be throwing at us, in a particular method. It is less like having 10,000 personalities we are simply clicking through day by day but more like having a personality that exists for a short moment in time brought on by the current and past situations bringing out specific characteristics in us. This is how we grow, move forward as human beings, and assimilate the knowledge we have gained over time and turn it into wisdom.
To me, this constantly changing personality must be totally confusing. Things that may have been important in the past are no longer important. Things that may have seemed trivial or uninteresting are shown in a new light. Perceptions of reality change and the individual must be left to wonder what is going on in their head? Why didn't I see this before? Why don't I care about this one aspect of my life like I used to? Why do these people no longer interest me? I suspect many people repress these changes. In their mind they already know what is important to them and anytime a thought develops that might change this they put it down. While others are in a constant and steady pace of rejuvenation that may seem odd or fake to the outside world. I fully suspect that those repressing internal change display far less creativity than those accepting change -- though this is another subject all together.
This constant change strikes me rather often in little packets of perception shift. Where I maybe once had conservative thoughts I now have thoughts less so (I must use "less so" rather than "liberal" since there are no real liberals left here in the grand U.S. of A.). Sometimes I find I am more tolerant or less tolerant of a situation or weakness in another person where maybe I was once much more or much less understanding. Working on one aspect of my life and the things that make it important to me will suddenly shift, maybe due to a lack of progress -- I'm not sure -- and I will change routes. Generally these are not big shifts and could be imperceptible from an external vantage point. But on reflection they often seem huge. Why were things just fine yesterday and now I am so unsatisfied with this outcome? Am I not the same person I was yesterday? Probably not.
I doubt I will ever truly know who I really am. I also doubt anyone really does either. Those that seem so rock solid are likely repressed internally, have very low creativity or levels of external perception, or will explode some time in the future. Generally, I enjoy the trip and rediscovering who I am on a somewhat regular basis. Sometimes it is annoying. I only hope I am becoming wiser and am making better decisions about life as I move forward.
To me, this constantly changing personality must be totally confusing. Things that may have been important in the past are no longer important. Things that may have seemed trivial or uninteresting are shown in a new light. Perceptions of reality change and the individual must be left to wonder what is going on in their head? Why didn't I see this before? Why don't I care about this one aspect of my life like I used to? Why do these people no longer interest me? I suspect many people repress these changes. In their mind they already know what is important to them and anytime a thought develops that might change this they put it down. While others are in a constant and steady pace of rejuvenation that may seem odd or fake to the outside world. I fully suspect that those repressing internal change display far less creativity than those accepting change -- though this is another subject all together.
This constant change strikes me rather often in little packets of perception shift. Where I maybe once had conservative thoughts I now have thoughts less so (I must use "less so" rather than "liberal" since there are no real liberals left here in the grand U.S. of A.). Sometimes I find I am more tolerant or less tolerant of a situation or weakness in another person where maybe I was once much more or much less understanding. Working on one aspect of my life and the things that make it important to me will suddenly shift, maybe due to a lack of progress -- I'm not sure -- and I will change routes. Generally these are not big shifts and could be imperceptible from an external vantage point. But on reflection they often seem huge. Why were things just fine yesterday and now I am so unsatisfied with this outcome? Am I not the same person I was yesterday? Probably not.
I doubt I will ever truly know who I really am. I also doubt anyone really does either. Those that seem so rock solid are likely repressed internally, have very low creativity or levels of external perception, or will explode some time in the future. Generally, I enjoy the trip and rediscovering who I am on a somewhat regular basis. Sometimes it is annoying. I only hope I am becoming wiser and am making better decisions about life as I move forward.
# posted by chilort @ 9:09 AM 
