Wednesday, February 08, 2006
You might just be a graduate student if ...
Palila recommended I annotate this list based upon my own experience.
...you spend more on books than on tuition.
-- yup. Tuition is covered by a stipend, books are my cost
...you actually hope your professor assigns homework.
-- how else am I going to learn the material?
...you get a 3-hour final with 5 questions or less.
-- it can be done with less than 5 questions
...the words "free time" are unfamiliar to you.
-- if I drink enough beer then I pass out, and I think that counts as free time because only then do I have to stop reading articles
...you spend Saturday morning waiting for the library to open.
-- I get all my articles electronically
...you've memorized your professors' home phone numbers.
-- no, but some are programmed into my cell phone
...your professors know your home phone number.
-- I don't have a home phone, but some do know the cell number ... and use it
...more than 25% of your textbook is "left as an exercise for the reader."
-- I hate it when they do this
...you are on a first-name basis with everyone on the library staff.
-- staff? it's all electronic these days
...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
-- don't really get this one
...your office is better decorated than your apartment.
-- I actually spend most of my time at my "desk" at home. I have a dog and a girlfriend, so I can't just stay at school all of the time
...you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
-- I did look up "journicle" once, but someone else had already tried to say journal article too fast and documented it
...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
-- I have a lit. minor from my under grad. I've been startled by this for years
...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
-- there's drinkin' and there's readin'. The two don't mix well
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
-- I spent all my money on books, none left over for coffee
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
-- that's not really even funny, because it's true
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
-- I'm such a nerd
...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
-- electronic
...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
-- a touch outdated
...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
-- once again, electronic
...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
-- electronic
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
-- I can't wait for my first summer
...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
-- I know that I can mix ibuprofen and naproxin sodium
...you consider all papers to be works in progress.
-- is there any way else?
...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
-- if I could be so lucky, this is a very driven group
...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
-- sad, but often true
...you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
-- I don't have many books, journal articles, on the other hand, are organized in an Excel file
...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
-- and the nervous tick is starting to worry me
...you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
-- I am still enough male to first notice the boobs, which gives away that it is a sorority sweatshirt
...you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".
-- umm, no
...you start referring to stories like "Snow White et al."
-- funny, but no, sad that I get the joke though
...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
-- I have salad with my pasta and I can't eat it without some meat in the sauce
...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
-- who takes time off to do laundry, you can do laundry while reading an article! Get to work you slacker.
...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
-- electronic
...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication".
-- it is called an "unpublished manuscript"
...you spend more on books than on tuition.
-- yup. Tuition is covered by a stipend, books are my cost
...you actually hope your professor assigns homework.
-- how else am I going to learn the material?
...you get a 3-hour final with 5 questions or less.
-- it can be done with less than 5 questions
...the words "free time" are unfamiliar to you.
-- if I drink enough beer then I pass out, and I think that counts as free time because only then do I have to stop reading articles
...you spend Saturday morning waiting for the library to open.
-- I get all my articles electronically
...you've memorized your professors' home phone numbers.
-- no, but some are programmed into my cell phone
...your professors know your home phone number.
-- I don't have a home phone, but some do know the cell number ... and use it
...more than 25% of your textbook is "left as an exercise for the reader."
-- I hate it when they do this
...you are on a first-name basis with everyone on the library staff.
-- staff? it's all electronic these days
...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
-- don't really get this one
...your office is better decorated than your apartment.
-- I actually spend most of my time at my "desk" at home. I have a dog and a girlfriend, so I can't just stay at school all of the time
...you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
-- I did look up "journicle" once, but someone else had already tried to say journal article too fast and documented it
...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
-- I have a lit. minor from my under grad. I've been startled by this for years
...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
-- there's drinkin' and there's readin'. The two don't mix well
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
-- I spent all my money on books, none left over for coffee
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
-- that's not really even funny, because it's true
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
-- I'm such a nerd
...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
-- electronic
...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
-- a touch outdated
...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
-- once again, electronic
...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
-- electronic
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
-- I can't wait for my first summer
...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
-- I know that I can mix ibuprofen and naproxin sodium
...you consider all papers to be works in progress.
-- is there any way else?
...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
-- if I could be so lucky, this is a very driven group
...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
-- sad, but often true
...you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
-- I don't have many books, journal articles, on the other hand, are organized in an Excel file
...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
-- and the nervous tick is starting to worry me
...you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
-- I am still enough male to first notice the boobs, which gives away that it is a sorority sweatshirt
...you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".
-- umm, no
...you start referring to stories like "Snow White et al."
-- funny, but no, sad that I get the joke though
...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
-- I have salad with my pasta and I can't eat it without some meat in the sauce
...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
-- who takes time off to do laundry, you can do laundry while reading an article! Get to work you slacker.
...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
-- electronic
...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication".
-- it is called an "unpublished manuscript"
# posted by chilort @ 3:02 PM 
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Scurvy's from a lack of vitamin C, not meat. You get most of yours through vegetables and the fruit juices I cook with.
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