Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Palila's thoughts on a recent e-mail from my faculty
Recently, some of the faculty had a meeting. The purpose of the meeting appears to have been a bitch session on PhD students. The outcome of the meeting was to send "advice" to all PhD students to aid in correcting their aberrant ways.
Item 1. Accept the system.
Palila's response: Accept that we expect you to do everything for us and we do nothing for you. Also, accept that your significant other doesn't exist to us, and shouldn't really exist to you.
Item 2. Self reliance – You are responsible for your own education.
Palila's response: We admit that we don't really teach the classes and accepting people into the program doesn't mean that we want to assist them. All students have cooties.
Item 3. Take a breadth of courses. Go beyond the assigned papers. Take a lot of methodology courses. Attend research seminars.
Palila's response: Again, we don't want to teach you, we expect you to get your learning from other sources.
Item 4. Use senior doctoral students as an important resource.
Palila's response: Important resource for commiseration and venting. Don't really talk to them, that's forming a gang.
Item 5. Work seven days a week – "You beat 50 percent of the people in America by working hard. You beat another 40 percent by being a person of integrity and standing for something. The last 10 percent is a dog fight in the free enterprise system." A. L. Williams
Palila's response: We really think you should be single and living in the park. Better yet, if you have a partner, they should support you in every way, but we want 110% of your time.
Item 6. Invest a lot of time in improving writing and oral communication skills.
Palila's response: Learn new ways to say "Sorry, honey, I can't go with you to anything ever again in the next 8 years. I've chosen to put myself and everyone else I know through hell, because that seems like a better use of my time than spending it with you." You should learn to say this in emails, while on the telephone, through texts, while arguing, and while cooking dinner. Scratch that last one, you'll never do that again because your partner should know better than to ask you to do anything not related to the phd program. See point #5.
Item 7. Treat your graduate research assignment as an important learning opportunity.
Palila's response: Of how to kiss ass.
Item 8. Make an excellent impression on your area faculty in terms of your diligence, work ethic, etc.
Palila's response: Again, don't question what we ask you to do. Building our bookcases and watching our kids are both very important to the education we are providing you. See point #1.
Item 9. Meet all the required milestones of the program.
Palila's response: We won't tell you what they are. Guess! Ha! You're wrong!
Item 10. Have at least one or two published/forthcoming research papers at the end of five years.
Palila's response: We admit that 4 years is bullshit. Also, you won't get to be anything but last author on any paper, even if you have the idea, do the study, do the analysis and write the paper yourself. You're working for us, and we get to boost our CVs for providing this wonderful education for you. But make sure you learn from other people, we don't want to hang out with you. You've got cooties.
Item 1. Accept the system.
Palila's response: Accept that we expect you to do everything for us and we do nothing for you. Also, accept that your significant other doesn't exist to us, and shouldn't really exist to you.
Item 2. Self reliance – You are responsible for your own education.
Palila's response: We admit that we don't really teach the classes and accepting people into the program doesn't mean that we want to assist them. All students have cooties.
Item 3. Take a breadth of courses. Go beyond the assigned papers. Take a lot of methodology courses. Attend research seminars.
Palila's response: Again, we don't want to teach you, we expect you to get your learning from other sources.
Item 4. Use senior doctoral students as an important resource.
Palila's response: Important resource for commiseration and venting. Don't really talk to them, that's forming a gang.
Item 5. Work seven days a week – "You beat 50 percent of the people in America by working hard. You beat another 40 percent by being a person of integrity and standing for something. The last 10 percent is a dog fight in the free enterprise system." A. L. Williams
Palila's response: We really think you should be single and living in the park. Better yet, if you have a partner, they should support you in every way, but we want 110% of your time.
Item 6. Invest a lot of time in improving writing and oral communication skills.
Palila's response: Learn new ways to say "Sorry, honey, I can't go with you to anything ever again in the next 8 years. I've chosen to put myself and everyone else I know through hell, because that seems like a better use of my time than spending it with you." You should learn to say this in emails, while on the telephone, through texts, while arguing, and while cooking dinner. Scratch that last one, you'll never do that again because your partner should know better than to ask you to do anything not related to the phd program. See point #5.
Item 7. Treat your graduate research assignment as an important learning opportunity.
Palila's response: Of how to kiss ass.
Item 8. Make an excellent impression on your area faculty in terms of your diligence, work ethic, etc.
Palila's response: Again, don't question what we ask you to do. Building our bookcases and watching our kids are both very important to the education we are providing you. See point #1.
Item 9. Meet all the required milestones of the program.
Palila's response: We won't tell you what they are. Guess! Ha! You're wrong!
Item 10. Have at least one or two published/forthcoming research papers at the end of five years.
Palila's response: We admit that 4 years is bullshit. Also, you won't get to be anything but last author on any paper, even if you have the idea, do the study, do the analysis and write the paper yourself. You're working for us, and we get to boost our CVs for providing this wonderful education for you. But make sure you learn from other people, we don't want to hang out with you. You've got cooties.
# posted by chilort @ 11:55 AM 
Comments:
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I'm not sure about GA Tech, but we have a hotline that we can call for harrassment/ethical concerns, and this sounds like it is bordering on that. And I'm actually not joking. I think there is this need for some faculty to make sure that the grad school experience sucks for tgheir students because it sucked for them. Although {misdirected} vengeance may feel delightful, students are bound to be much more productive if they are treated respectfully and with regard to a balanced life. Even more disconcerting is the fact that you guys study (at least in part) psychology, which is (at least in part) concerned with the well-being of indiviudals, while your program appears to be not at all concerned with the "whole person" well-being of its students. I am so sorry that you have to go through this!
To me, it seems like half the faculty want to make this as hard as possible for you, just because they like the power and because they can. It makes me most mad when it's a prof that admits he was a slacker in his phd program and feels the need to be hard on his students, or when it's your adviser being two-faced (the lovely woman who doesn't seem to have any of your best interests at heart and is anti-invited to the wedding.) The other half seem out of touch with what's going on. Each time they ask you to do something new, or inform you of a non-published milestone that you've missed or failed, I half expect them to tell you about a "swallow live goldfish to graduate" requirement, because it seems like that's all that is missing to join their imaginary fraternity.
But really, if they had that requirement, you should anticipate that and go ahead and schedule a meeting with everyone to demonstrate it. Then they'll judge you and tell you either that you passed or how badly you failed. I you don't read minds and don't schedule the meeting, then you get to stay in the program at half pay for another year!
But really, if they had that requirement, you should anticipate that and go ahead and schedule a meeting with everyone to demonstrate it. Then they'll judge you and tell you either that you passed or how badly you failed. I you don't read minds and don't schedule the meeting, then you get to stay in the program at half pay for another year!
#1 is the one that gets me the most. They don't even know what the system is themselves. When they do know a little they don't communicate it. They wait until you fail, then they tell you that you failed, and blame it on you for not magically picking up what was going on.
I have been in contact with the Dean of our college. There have been some new rules and regulations coming out that are actually beneficial and help to clear up some certain issues. The one problem I have is that I do not like my adviser any more, I do not want to work with her any more, and I'm not sure how to get out from under her without quitting.
I have been in contact with the Dean of our college. There have been some new rules and regulations coming out that are actually beneficial and help to clear up some certain issues. The one problem I have is that I do not like my adviser any more, I do not want to work with her any more, and I'm not sure how to get out from under her without quitting.
NancyTwink: I forgot to address one issue you pointed out. Yes, OB is a discipline skilled in psychology. The behavior of the faculty is hypocritical beyond words.
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